I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
