Your tits are I can't wait for
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
me + whiskey = a bad person
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
