just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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