peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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