Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
