We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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