Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
