She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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