can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
