big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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