I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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