wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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