Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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