Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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