: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
