It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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