My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
