I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am naked and annoyed.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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