You just made me feel so damn special
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
should my penis look like a turkey
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
