They should really pass out barf bags in church
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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