Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
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I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
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For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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