The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Fuck appropriateness.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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