saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
