Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
