It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
