It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
