i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
