You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
