On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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