why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
