Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
