I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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