He told me they were just razor bumps!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Vodka?
Forever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
