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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
