Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
