Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
