how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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