I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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