Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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