Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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