Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
