his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't deserve a penis
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
