census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
