4 words: hood of his car
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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