I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
