so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize