bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
