What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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