I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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