Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
