life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
