I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
