I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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