so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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