my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
