Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just gargled with NyQuil
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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