Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
