College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
