first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
