he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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