i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
