Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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