I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Someone stole a lamp last night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
