I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
