i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
