it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
