People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
