You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
