sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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