you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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