Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
