I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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