just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
