Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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