The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
