Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she smelled like a LAN party
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
