i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
