If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
