I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
