Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
