he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
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