So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
