I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
