Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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