all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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