Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
