just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
