he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
