Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
