So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
When are your genitals available?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
