i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
