you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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